James W. Hicks, M.D.

One in Three

In Stories* on December 1, 2010 at 7:26 pm

The summer after my junior year in college, we got together for pizza and beer in my parent’s backyard. I hadn’t seen Brad and Jason since Thanksgiving, when my girlfriend at the time was visiting. But now it was just the three of us, like in high school.

After a few drinks, the conversation turned to sex, and Brad did what he does best, showing off some bit of knowledge and putting us on the defensive. He had taken a course on human sexuality to satisfy his college science requirement. “And did you know,” he said, leaning forward over his beer, “That one out of every three men has had sex with another man?” He looked Jason in the eye. “That means, statistically speaking, one of us right here has fucked around with a guy.”

We were all silent for a moment, holding tightly onto our Buds. What a conversation stopper.

Jason was the straightest guy I knew, always bragging about screwing some girl, though he never held onto them for long. And Brad had dated the same girl since high school. We were always stumbling on the two of them having sex behind a tree or in a closet. You could say he was twisted, but he sure as hell wasn’t gay.

“So boys, which one of us has done it?” Brad continued, safe from scrutiny and not letting us off the hook.

I started to sweat.

These guys were my best friends, but I had never told them about the time I fooled around with a frat mate in sophomore year. We got drunk after soccer practice and ended up showering together back at the house, when no one else was around. It started with touching and teasing, and then we ended up in his bed, giving each other head. It never happened again, but I knew I’d do it again with a guy if I had the opportunity. For a couple weeks afterwards I even worried that I might be gay, which was stupid, because I’ve always liked girls and planned to get married.

Could Brad and Jason see that I was the one? I leaned back to take another drink and banged my head against the wind chimes hanging from the rafters of the porch, spilling beer across my chin. I blushed and looked away.

“Don’t be an ass,” Jason said. “None of us is gay.” He looked at me and back at Brad. “And nobody here has fucked a guy. You’ve got a sick mind, man.”

  1. I bet your other buddies both did stuff too–but they sure as hell didn’t want to admit it–because god forbid—someone might then consider you are “gay” since most people have the fucked up notion that if you ever do any sort of homosexual activity and actually enjoyed it then then its set–you are “gay”–but the other thing people don’t realize—and its something I have come to see—that being “gay’– the having sex with another guy part of gayness is only about maybe five percent at most of what it means to be “gay.” What we have in society as far as I am concerned with all the sexual labels we now put on people—its all “stinkin’ thinkin’!” Our misinformed thinking sadly, does a great deal of harm to so many!!! We need to work towards developing new ways of thinking about the parameters of human sexuality in all its depth and breadth!!

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